From a young age, I thoroughly enjoyed physical touch. It was a way that I showed love. I loved a casual cuddle with friends, or falling asleep as someone rubbed my hair or my back. I loved granting kisses on foreheads and cheeks or holding another’s arms or hands. It was inherently calming, and cathartic. It made me feel safe and allowed for a certain level of connection between myself and another human.

Flash forward to my teens and early twenties, and innocent touches were no longer innocent. What was once a safe space to me had become a weapon against me, and the thing that had once made me feel so secure now made my skin crawl.

Physical trauma, or any trauma of the senses, can take something that was once calming and secure, and turn it into something uncomfortable and unnerving.

When we live through trauma, we typically say we’ve “experienced trauma.” In life, every experience has to do with our senses. Our senses are how we experience the world around us.

Those traumatic experiences can rewire how our brains respond to certain tastes, sounds, sights, or scents.

Re-experiencing those senses can trigger fear or bring you back to the moment of your trauma.

Taste trauma could be the taste of the food that once gave you food poisoning, or the flavors of pasta causing fear to spike as you think of the carbs you’ve been taught to fear.

Sound trauma could be doors slamming, or screaming, or sirens, or fire alarms.

Visual trauma could be watching earthquakes, and tornados or terror played out on an actor’s face on the big screen.

Scent trauma could be the candle that was burning on the day you heard the worst news of your life or the smell of the cologne or perfume of your attacker.

It all leaves a lasting impact on our senses, faster than we ever thought possible.

So, what do we do when our experience of the world has been reshaped through the trauma we have survived and endured?

We must balance out our negative experiences with good experiences.

Think of a bowl of strawberries. (bear with me)  

If you’re lucky enough to have tried strawberries multiple times throughout your life you know the difference between a good strawberry, a bad strawberry, and a REALLY good strawberry. When you eat a bad one, your tastebuds aren’t forever repulsed by strawberries. You’ve had enough good strawberries to know that was just a bad one.  

That’s what we have to do with our senses. Have so many good memories that it outweighs the bad.

Soooo….how do we do that? We analyze, we experience, and we replace. (Not always in that exact order)

The hard truth with trauma is you can’t run from it. If you want to heal from it, you have to face it. It’s uncomfortable, and it’s painful, and requires a lot of intentionality.

Letting yourself feel what you need to feel and embracing all that you have lived through, good and bad, is a huge part of intentional healing. We can’t move on from what we’re running from. Surviving isn’t living, and avoiding isn’t healing. 

But the joy under it all is you CAN heal from it.

If the smell of peppermint brings back horrible memories, try using it in your toothpaste. Eat some breath mints. Use a peppermint body oil after you shower or light a peppermint candle. If doors slamming causes you to tense up, slam a few doors. Open and slam a cabinet door over and over again. If it’s the sound of sirens, listen to the sound over and over again on YouTube while cuddling on the couch with a warm cup of tea. The more you expose yourself to your triggers in a safe space that doesn’t cause harm, the less scary they seem. Don’t avoid it. Embrace it. Realize the fear of it comes from the power you give it and take away its power.

If you know off the top of your head exactly what senses have been impacted by the trauma in your life, that’s a great starting place. Write them down, and ask yourself or a professional – how can I experience these things in a safe environment?

If you don’t know off the top of your head, don’t stress about it. So much of my trauma awareness has come from living my day-to-day life and realizing what things triggered an uncomfortable feeling. When you experience something that you realize triggers feelings of fear, or discomfort, pause. Take a deep breath and realize you’re not back in that moment. Time has passed, and you’re a different person now. Take note of what you’re experiencing. What does that experience bring up? Write it down and sit with it later. Ask yourself, how can I experience this again in a safe environment?

Give yourself time, and space. Expose yourself to the things that make you uncomfortable one little second at a time, and then give yourself space to process and heal.

It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

You got this.