The thought of existing alone in this world used to terrify me.

We grow up in a society that teaches a fear of solitude, so why wouldn’t it?

In movies and mass media, the character who stands alone is either an outsider, a villain, or a quirky side character who, despite their awesomeness, people look down on or are viewed as less than. These individuals tend to have views or a way of going about life that goes against the societal norm. They’re viewed as odd, or isolated, separate from the rest of “normal” society.

Media traditionally teaches us that no one wants to be THAT person. The one sitting by themselves at a movie theater or a bar. The one eating dinner solo at a table set for two. The one who comes home to an empty house.

It’s not portrayed in a peaceful, or loving light. It’s portrayed as empty, and lonely. These individuals must be odd or have no friends to join them on their adventures if they’re doing them alone.

But what if the opposite was true? What if that individual loves the independence and peace that comes from existing in this world alone?

I love my quiet mornings where my schedule is dictated by no one else but me. I love my solo trips to restaurants, and bars, and coffee shops. I love the confidence it’s gifted me, and how it’s made me feel secure in knowing I can handle anything that comes my way. I love existing around others, who are also the main characters in their own lives.

I love more than anything, the realization that living a life alone isn’t as scary as people make it out to be.

I realized there’s beauty in existing in the world by yourself. It allows you to take a step back and approach the world almost meditatively. It also allows me to show up more present in my day-to-day relationships because I know who I am on my own.

How do I show up when there’s no one around? What do I notice? Do I feel scared, or nervous? Do I feel like others are judging me, or do I feel free with no one to answer to? Who am I with no external opinions around to dictate how I show up in this world? Am I chattier?  Do I want to engage with the stranger sitting next to me or do I love the mindful silence that comes from the background noise of others chatter? Who do I want to be today with no one around to tell me otherwise?

Think through the things you would love to try by yourself but you’re too hesitant to. Maybe it’s grand like cross-country solo travel, or a camping trip in the wilderness. Maybe it’s a visit to the bakery next door with the cute open-air patio you would love to sit at for a few hours.

If you’re thinking of doing any of those things and immediately your mind says “absolutely not”, you may want to question those thoughts and ask yourself, why?

You may not even realize it, but you may be terrified of being alone, or terrified of the judgment that comes with being alone. You may also just be terrified of existing in this world alone.

Don’t get me wrong, horrible things happen daily in this world, and that can be a very valid fear that hinders individuals from stepping out into the world. But is living your life afraid of living, living at all?

I once realized my “No, I just want to stay home today.” was my social anxiety preventing me from going out into the world. Did I like acknowledging that my anxiety had become a problem? No, I did not.

But I had to acknowledge that I was terrified of being judged. Terrified of others’ opinions of me. Terrified of the million things that could go wrong if I took the leap and did the thing I feared. What if I spill coffee all over myself? What if I miss my flight and end up in a random country? What if a bear shows up at my camping site? What if I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time and I get hurt?

All valid fears. But what if the opposite were true? What if everything worked out perfectly? What if it didn’t, and instead of being embarrassed by the spilled coffee I laughed it off and realized it could happen to literally anyone. What if you’re at the right place at the right time and you meet a new best friend?

Acknowledging all of this meant acknowledging that the only thing standing in the way of me enjoying the world alone, was me.

But here’s the thing.

We are all the main characters in our own story. We all have something going on in our heads.

If we’re actively worried about what someone else is doing with their life (when they’re not harming anyone – ex. how they dress, how they act, how they speak) we should always take a step back and ask ourselves why. I think overtime we’ll realize we’re projecting our own insecurities onto that person. What we dislike in them is something we dislike in ourselves, or it’s something we’re terrified to accept of ourselves.

It’s hard to acknowledge, I get it. But it’s necessary to acknowledge if you want to move forward.

Individuals who are judging others existing alone in this world? That judgment is typically projected fear of being alone themselves. It’s a version of coping, where individuals become defensive and judgmental of another person for existing confidently in the exact way they’re terrified of existing. It’s a judgment based on fear, anxiety, and shame.

It’s understandable. It is. We’re subconsciously taught that living a life alone goes against the social norm. We’re taught to want to follow the social norm. We want to be accepted, praised and liked. We want to be included.

Don’t let subconscious beliefs or another person’s projection of their life stop you from living yours. Don’t let the fear of the unknown control your reality.

Take the pressure off.

It’s NOT a huge step towards your personal growth and adventuring as a solo and independent human, its just a walk next door to grab a coffee.

It’s NOT a monumental moment where your travel journey begins, you’re just going to Europe?

Allow yourself to just exist in this world as if everything you do is normal.

Enjoy that lunch on the patio alone, go sit in a movie with popcorn just for you, take yourself out on a date, and just ENJOY. It’s just another Tuesday.

Breathe in and out as you approach the world with wonder. Experience the beauty this world has to offer. You only have one life to live, so go live it, even if you must live it alone.

I can’t finish this story off without acknowledging that there are people in this world who try to exist alone but are condemned, or killed because of it. That fear when going out alone is a taught fear based on survival for many individuals. Being able to exist in this world alone in certain spaces without being questioned, or threatened, is a privilege. Not one that everyone on this earth has.

So, enjoy the beauty of existing in this world alone, but if you have the privilege of being able to do so without worrying about how your simple existence will cause issues, or put your own life on the line, continue speaking out on social injustices within your social groups. Analyze your personality, biases, and privilege, and continue to pursue your personal growth for the betterment of society.

OH, and don’t forget to celebrate your accomplishment when you get home. (after you’ve spent all day pretending it’s so NOT a big deal)

I’m cheering for you.

YOU GOT THIS.